


Dale's Book Club

by lexyhamilton (ohheichoumyheichou)



Category: Pineapple Express (2008)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 02:08:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2370500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohheichoumyheichou/pseuds/lexyhamilton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Saul tries to read a self-help book.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dale's Book Club

Dale walks into Saul's apartment without knocking, figuring they're good enough friends that it won't freak him out. Saul is lying on the couch flipping through a book, jumping a little at the sound of the door. Dale apologizes, Saul moves to sit up on one side of the couch and Dale crashes down on the other.

"Got any good weed?"

"Nothing new," Saul says shrugging his shoulders.

"So what book is that that you're so absorbed by?" Dale asks, picking up the book Saul put face down while he goes to fire up a fancy bong.

"Oh, that, that's just--" Saul comes over, giving a nervous laugh. "Yeah, it's shit."

" _He's Just Not That Into You_?"

Saul winces but Dale doesn't notice, too busy studying the backflap.

"So you're trying to get back into the dating scene or something?"

Saul laughs. "Yeah, yeah, I guess... Yeah, some... friend, um, gave it to me. I'm just reading it for, you know, shits and giggles."

"Yeah, don't read it for anything else," Dale says. "It sucks. I actually read this crap, even before I met Angie. All it teaches women is to like stalkers. Seriously."

"For real?" Saul says, gingerly setting down the bong in his lap when he resumes his position on the couch.

"Okay, if you want the, like, Cliffsnotes version for guys: All you have to do to impress a girl who reads this book is, like, call her every day, several times a day. As randomly as possible. And never ever be late. Or busy. Basically, the closer to stalker behavior you get, the better. It's absolutely ridiculous. It gives us all even worse chances than we already have with women."

Saul laughs, avoiding eye contact. "Yeah that sounds shitty. I didn't think it was very good either. Well, the parts I read."

"I mean, it's just not even fucking true! For God's sake, you can be a loving boyfriend and not, you know, be fixated and terrifying..."

"Totally!" Saul agrees with a lot of enthusiasm. "I'm actually really glad to hear that, you don't even kno-"

Dale cuts Saul off. "But I'm so willing to bet this will increase the number of spinsters. Like they should plot it... the year this book was published and whether there's an unusually high number of picky still-single forty year old women in 2030 or whatever..." Dale is going into his as-yet-nonexistent-radio-show mode, and Saul likes these monologues, even if he doesn't always care to make the effort and follow the arguments. They start smoking and Dale gets even more energetic in his diatribe, and Saul just keeps furrowing his brows and nodding and adding an occasional "Oh yeah, definitely," mostly just letting Dale's voice wash over him.

"And this! My favorite part! Just brilliant. _"Smoking pot makes your brain work slower, and makes you less in tune with your surroundings and more introverted. So, he's always stoned when he's with you. That really means he likes you more when there's less of you..._ " Oh my God, I can't even read this bullshit. Bullshit."

"Bullshiiiit," Saul echoes and inches closer, taking great care in accidentally touching Dale's thigh. Dale doesn't notice.

"It 'clouds your senses'? What the fuck is this guy on?" Dale laughs. "Now wouldn't that be ironic? If he was like this big closet pothead the whole time?"

Saul cracks a dopey grin. "Closet. Hahaha."

"My senses get sharper, I think, if anything."

"Yeah... " Saul rasps, touching Dale's thigh again, his eyes darting up to Dale's face to verify that it's not freaking him out. "Me too."

They just sit and veg out afterwards, and Dale turns on the TV before falling asleep sitting up, head tipped back against the couch.

Saul is high but still very much awake and wonders just how unethical it is to molest Dale in his sleep-- only a little. He moves in very close and rubs Dale's knee, wrapping Dale's arm that was lying across the couch back around his shoulder. He kisses Dale's cheek, and its mad five o'clock shadow overgrowth but it's as if sleepiness is contagious and he can't really savor the pose long enough.

Next thing Saul knows, Dale is repeating his name, shoving his shoulder, and Saul realizes he slid down and is lying across Dale's lap.

"Come on, dude, move, I need to go."

Saul gives him a hip hop hug on the way out the door and closes it. He finds a bag of ketchup flavored chips in the kitchen and starts eating them, reopening the book.

_'Hanging out' is not dating._

Saul sighs and closes it, muttering "oh, whatever" under his breath, and focuses his attention on the _Saved by the Bell_ rerun on TV.


End file.
